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My Release from "Projects"

Updated: Aug 22, 2019

As I reflect on my journey to wholeness. I remember of my season of having "Projects" as my best friend would call them for spouses. These were guys who had potential to be great men but had vices that held them back. I would see things in their future and want to help them bring it to completion. All the while I was losing myself in the process. The reality of it all was I was afraid of success in my own purpose, and I didn't want to walk alone. I always wanted to be the driving tool to help them unlock their purposes. I would go on a quest of becoming their savior, attempting to meet every need, fill every void in their lives so that they would fill that emptiness I felt inside. Even when I realized it wasn't worth it pride wouldn't allow me to throw in the towel. I could see and feel the cost of this false weight. It consumed me I had to see them win. I felt like them winning would make my life complete. We as women at times go on this quest to be the best woman for our man. Meanwhile losing ourselves, and our true identity in the process. We at times settle in our relationships, due to the lack of patience and self-control in waiting for true love to find us. We give give and give, putting ourselves on E in hopes that the love we seek from this man will one day be reciprocated. We conjure up spirits of deception to ease the pain of defeat to tell us "he's the one!", "he's going to get better!", "he loves me", "he needs me" and "it will one day just be us". All the while we are just in the way of God doing his perfect work in this man, and ultimately self-inflicting ourselves with emotional scars and pain. In my process of self-discovery the Lord showed me that I like "Projects" because because of the spirit of rejection and abandonment on my life. He showed me that my purpose was to be an example of who God is in my life and empower people to live their best lives. My problem was I had the right play script but I kept casting the wrong cast members for the job. I have this analogy that has helped me in time. Ladies we are a corporation accepting applications for a CEO position. Just because he applies doesn't mean he qualifies for the position. You are valuable and your worth shouldn't be taken likely. When you are planted in purpose, and connected to The Source you will be able to better position relationships with people in your life. Every relationship you have should bring some value. If it is a burden in anyway you need to re-evaluate its position. You don't need a man you have to rehab. You need one who will cover and affirm your worth, one who can build with you, not take from the pot, a asset not a liability. Through time God started dealing with me about the loneliness within. I learned that in order to be whole I would have to have a season to walk alone. This was to build a strong enough relationship with the Father to recognize His voice clearly, and to the obedience to follow His instruction for my life. It also taught me how to spot potential projects and potential users. As I got closer to God I was truly able to better understand who I was to Him, and live our my purpose with faith and no fear. This would prepare me for God to present me to my spouse, and the doorway to marriage.

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